Understanding Gender Identity: An Interview with a Child Development Specialist, Part 1

We are reposting this blog to acknowledge the last day of LGBTQ+ Pride Month. To read part 2 of this interview, click here.

By Sam Piha

There is a growing awareness in our society that gender is more than the sex that is assigned at birth. Gender identity is no longer an esoteric concept for child development experts. The importance of understanding gender identity is increasingly important for educators and leaders of youth programs. 

In a previous post, Understanding Gender Identity in Young People, we reviewed the terminology surrounding this topic. 

In this post, we interview Dr. Diane Ehrensaft to shed more light on this topic. She specializes in research, clinical work, and consultation related to gender-nonconforming children. Diane is an associate professor of Pediatrics at the University of California San Francisco and a developmental and clinical psychologist in the San Francisco Bay Area.   

Dr. Diane Ehrensaft

Q: Is gender inborn or learned? 

A: As implied in the title of my book, Gender Born, Gender Made, the answer is neither—it’s both. Each one of our genders includes a combination of nature, nurture, and culture. To really answer this question, of inborn or learned, we have to differentiate gender identity from gender expressions: gender identity is our inner sense of self as male, female, or other; gender expressions are the ways we show our gender to the world—our appearance, our activities, our words, our ways of relating to the world.  

Present research indicates that our gender identities have a strong constitutional loading, while our gender expressions have a stronger social, cultural loading, but that both gender identity and gender expressions can have elements of all three influences—nature, nurture, and culture.  

Regarding nature, the most important concept to mark is that gender does not lie between our legs; it lays in our brains and our minds, and the messages those brains and minds send to you inside about what your gender is are paramount.

Q: Developmentally, when does this happen? 

A: Our old developmental theories said one thing, newer developmental theories say another. I’m going to answer according to the new. By the second year of life a toddler can exhibit both understanding of the gender label given to the child by the outside world (i.e., They call me boy; they call me girl) and their own internal sense of their core gender which will either match that label (the cisgender child) or show the incipient signs of being opposed to that label, as when a toddler, upon developing language, says, Me not boy, me girl. From age two to six, we all learn what it means to be a boy or girl or other, in other words, how to “do” our gender. We learn this through observation, direct teaching or coaching, even gender policing, and through our close relationships with those around us.  

By age six, most children will have a fairly stable sense of their gender identity, but not all children do, and some children may go through several iterations throughout their childhood until they land on “the gender that is me.”  The most important element in this developmental process is that the adults around the child allow children the freedom to establish their own gender selves, rather than have it dictated by others. 

Notable is that in traditional gender theories it was expected that for a child to have successfully reached their developmental markers regarding gender identity, they must have a clear and stable sense of themselves as boy or girl by age 6, and that sense should match the sex assigned to them at birth. But if a child says, “Hey, you all have it wrong, I’m not the gender you think I am” that child is not acknowledged as capable of having a stable gender identity by age six. That child is told, “You are too young to know.” That child is a member of our youngest cohort of transgender people, and we have to ask the defenders of the traditional developmental theories—How come a cisgender child can know who they are by age six, but a transgender child cannot?

Q: What is gender fluidity? 

A: Gender fluidity is living outside binary gender boxes—male/female; boy/girl. It also indicates a flexibility and creativity in composing for oneself a gender mosaic, if you will, based on a potpourri of the social expressions of gender within one’s culture and also on an internal sense of self as neither male, female, but somewhere in between or all and any rather than either/or. A child can be gender fluid at any moment in time (think pink boys) or over time (ballerina for awhile, then Darth Vader, then a “gender hybrid”).

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Diane Ehrensaft, Ph.D. is an associate professor of Pediatrics at the University of California San Francisco and a developmental and clinical psychologist in the San Francisco Bay Area, with a private practice in Oakland, California.  She is Director of Mental Health of the Child and Adolescent Gender Center and chief psychologist at the Child and Adolescent Gender Center Clinic at UCSF Benioff Children’s Hospital. She specializes in research, clinical work, and consultation related to gender-nonconforming children, lecturing, publishing, and serving as an expert witness on both topics nationally and internationally.

Dr. Ehrensaft is author of Gender Born, Gender Made; Mommies, Daddies, Donors, Surrogates; Building a Home Within (co-edited with Toni Heineman); Spoiling Childhood; Parenting Together; and the new release, The Gender Creative Child.  Dr. Ehrensaft serves on the Board of Directors of Gender Spectrum, a national organization addressing the needs of gender-expansive children and their families. 

When There are Disturbing Events that Fill the Airwaves...

By Sam Piha

Source: cnn.com

When there are disturbing events that fill the airwaves, it is important that caregivers have resources to guide them on how to talk to young people about these events, and how to turn to self- care. Below are some resources that caregivers, including teachers, afterschool workers and parents, may find helpful.

COVID-19

Brooke Anderson is a Bay Area organizer and photojournalist. In the interest of self-care, she developed 6 Daily Quarantine Questions, which she expands on in detail in her article from Greater Good Magazine.  

Source: Greater Good Magazine

Source: samanthasbell.com

Temescal Associates and The How Kids Learn Foundation launched the My Pal, Luke project. My Pal, Luke features a virtual, talking comfort dog who promotes social emotional learning through his words and questions, including a “feelings” check-in with young children. Luke reads his favorite books with kids and educates them on how to make sense of current events. 

I am a clinical child psychologist and I've watched how Covid-19 has presented so many challenges for children and their parents. What children never forget how to do is play, even in the toughest of circumstances. And My Pal, Luke helps them do exactly that, with the added benefit of soothing and educating our children who are now pandemic on-line learners. What a great gift to all of us." - Dr. Diane Ehrensaft, Ph.D., Developmental and Clinical                                          Psychologist

INSURRECTION IN THE CAPITOL

Source: theconversation.com

Caregivers are struggling on how to best talk to young people about the historical significance of the violence that erupted in Washington D.C. on January 6th, 2021, when supporters of President Donald Trump stormed the Capitol building and disrupted the Congressional certification of Joe Biden's presidential victory. Below are some resources. The first is one that offers questions for different age groups and is available in English and Spanish.

• Common Sense Media- Talking to Kids About the Violence at the U.S. Capitol

More resources provided by EdSource are cited below:

• Dr. Alyssa Hadley-Dunn, associate professor of Teacher Education at Michigan State University and founder of Teaching on the Days After: Dialogue & Resources for Educating Toward Justice offers resources to help educators teach about the attack on the U.S. Capitol on Jan. 6.
• The American Historical Association has launched "The Assault on the Capitol in Historical Perspective: Resources for Educators." The site offers historical knowledge to help understand the current crisis.
• Teachers on Twitter at #sschat are sharing lessons about the lessons they are teaching on the attack. Teacher Brianna Davis from Camarillo offers this lesson. Sam Mandeville of New Hampshire is sharing this @PearDeck lesson.
• PBS NewsHour Extra is offering three ways to teach the insurrection at the U.S. Capitol.
• The American Federation of Teachers' Share My Lesson website has been updated with information to help teachers facilitate meaningful discussions about the attack on the Capitol with their students.
• Larry Ferlazzo, a Sacramento City Unified teacher with a popular blog on teaching, has posted "Ways to teach about today's insurrection."

Below are resources provided by the California Afterschool Network (CAN):

• Facing History: Responding to the Insurrection at the U.S. Capitol (1/6/21)
• Teaching Tolerance: Leading Conversations After the Insurrection in Washington D.C. (1/7/21)
• Education Week: Caring for Students in the Wake of a Traumatic News Event (1/7/21)
• Awaken: How to Manage Your Team in Times of Political Trauma
• Zinn Ed Project: Teaching People’s History Resources

RACIAL JUSTICE

The 4-H Organization writes, “Being able to help young people understand topics such as racism, implicit biases, and discrimination requires facilitating difficult conversations and providing youth with information that will help them to learn and grow… Both adults and youth must challenge themselves to learn and grow through these conversations to be better prepared for a more culturally, racially, and ethnically diverse world.” 

To this end, 4-H’s Program Leaders Working Group developed Just in Time Equity Dialogues for Youth: Lessons Designed to Foster Honest Conversations with Youth About Social Justice Issues. They also published Supplemental Resources which offers resources, readings and other relevant content to support guide use. 

MEDIA LITERACY

It is important to note that there continues to be a proliferation of partisan news sources peddling deeply skewed or even inaccurate information that has helped fuel conspiracy theories and other harmful perceptions of the integrity of U.S. elections. Below is a resource to help educators prepare their youth for deciphering fake news:

• Common Sense Media- News and Media Literacy Resource Center

Brooke Anderson is a Bay Area-based organizer and photojournalist. She has spent 20 years building movements for social, economic, racial, and ecological justice. She is a proud union member of the Pacific Media Workers Guild, CWA 39521, and AFL-CIO. She’s on Twitter and Instagram at @movementphotographer.

Dr. Diane Ehrensaft is a developmental and clinical psychologist, Director of Mental Health at the Child and Adolescent Gender Center and Associate Professor of Pediatrics, University of California San Francisco. She has been a frequent contributor to our LIAS blog and the How Kids Learn conference. You can review her blog responses here and view a video presentation here.

Practice Q&A: Responding to the Special Needs of Youth

By Sam Piha

Being a youth worker is a very difficult job. They face a variety of challenges and dilemmas, as they work with a diverse group of young people. We collected a number of questions from youth workers and promised to engage experts and field leaders for their answers. Below are some of the questions we received and the answers that we sought out from field leaders, content experts and innovative practitioners. If you want to submit your own question, click here.

This blog is part 3 of our Q&A series. To read part 1, click here or part 2, click here. Stay tuned as we continue to explore questions from youth workers. (Note: we know that there are many answers to any question. Below, we offer some well-thought-out answers that we received. Because schools and agencies may have specific policies, we recommend that youth workers share their questions with their immediate supervisor. At the bottom we provide a brief bio about the respondents.)

Q: When an elementary student has different feelings about who they are sexually, how can we as a staff go about addressing the issue in a positive manner without being offensive toward the student? - Youth Worker, San Joaquin County, CA
A: “Most importantly, don’t intrude on the student if they do not want to talk about it.  If they do want to talk about it, best strategy is to listen and then reflect positively about all the different ways people feel about who they are sexually. If you’ve observed their different feelings yourself but they haven’t expressed them, still take the opportunity, if available, to offer the same reflections with a number of students together, not connecting it directly to that specific student but as a learning moment for all students.”

- Diane Ehrensaft, Ph.D.

Diane Ehrensaft, Ph.D.
Source: City Arts & Lectures

Q: Regarding sexuality, how should you respond to a child (elementary school) "coming out" to you directly. What is appropriate and what should be avoided? - Youth Worker, Kanawha County, WV
A: “If a student is sharing with you their sexual identity or attractions, it typically means that they trust you. What is appropriate is to first listen and also ensure confidentiality. Second, explore what support or help that student would like from you (e.g., helping them talk to their parents). Third, make sure the student is feeling safe and has not met up with any negativity. And most importantly, mirror back to them positive regard. What to avoid:  negatively judging them for their feelings; offering support you’re not really able to provide.”

- Diane Ehrensaft, Ph.D.

Q: I am new in a program but I do have one kid who is really bossy. I am still unsure how to manage that kind of behavior since she even wants to tell me what to do in each activity. I only spent a day with that group because I was new and then the school shut down but I am still thinking about that kind of behavior and how to manage it. She is only 7 years old. - Youth Worker, Imperial County, CA
A: "So, kids' behavior always makes sense, if only we knew the rest of the story.  This kid, and others like her, have a need behind their drive to control things.  Sometimes it's because they are anxious about the unknown and if they take charge, then they can control the narrative which makes them feel less anxious.  Another example would be kids who have trouble following direction or instructions (lots of kids with learning glitches have this issue) so they get "bossy" because they if are the deciders about how something is going to be, they don't have to be able to "follow" a set of instructions which is actually hard for them.  This happens a lot when kids want to control the game and the rules when they are playing with peers---it's easier to lead on their own terms than to understand when someone else describes how it's supposed to work.  And yet another example would be a kid who is given too much authority at home and is used to that role, thinks it's expected of them, so that's how she operates outside of home too.

The best approach to handling this is to have compassion for the child (as annoying and disruptive as their behavior might seem) and recognize that there is actually a vulnerability or confusion that kid is having that is prompting the "bossy" or controlling behavior.  Rather than challenging the child or pushing back on the behavior, thank the child for his or her intentions to be helpful and clarify "how it works' (i.e, that actually YOU are going to be directing things. For example, "Thanks for your ideas and help, but I have a plan in mind and I'll be the one leading the activities today.  If you have some ideas you'd like to share with me, you can let me know about them at the end of the day and I'll be glad to consider them for another time." Meanwhile, keep an eye on that child to see if he or she is struggling in the role of "follower" or even "equal" because it's either difficult for them to process the rule or because they don't have the social skills to manage until they feel on top.  Help them learn."

- Sheri Glucoft Wong, LCSW

Berkeley, Ca

Q: I have a student (elementary school) who is always doing some type of motion out of the ordinary and makes noises. He himself doesn't catch what he's doing, the rest of my group notices and from time to time gets frustrated. How do I deal or go about this situation? - Youth Worker, San Joanquin County, CA 
A: "This sounds like a child with some neuro-physiological issues. Perhaps this student has tics, which can be single repetitive motions or "marching tics" which are a series of various "out-of-the-ordinary" movements. There are also vocal tics (throat clearing, yelping, sniffing, etc) which may explain the noises. It's sad for the child when other kids respond with frustration or alienation since more often than not, these behaviors are involuntary. That's why the student himself isn't aware of them.

Sheri Glucoft Wong, LCSW

I would share your observations with the adult(s) in this child's life by simply describing the motions and sounds you have seen, as well as describing that the child doesn't seem aware of them and that you are concerned because other children are having a negative response to behavior they don't understand. Ask the adult if they are aware of it as well. If they are, perhaps you can discuss ways to manage the situation that won't embarrass the kid with the tics (or whatever the issue might be)---for example "Sometimes his body or voice expresses itself in ways he didn't mean it to, and he is so used to that happening that he doesn't notice. His family has learned to work around the motions and sounds and we're going to learn to do that too." You can see it as an opportunity to support acceptance of differences with kindness and generosity. If the student's grown-ups weren't aware, you may be giving them info they didn't have and can let them know it would be helpful if they checked in with the pediatrician to understand what might be going on so you can work with them to better support the child in the social setting of your program."

- Sheri Glucoft Wong, LCSW

Berkeley, Ca

Sam Piha, MSW
Temescal Associates

A: I agree with Sheri's answer above, with one additional thought: parents can be very touchy when learning of information about their child that they may view as "negative". These are very delicate conversations. It is best if you only share your observations and maybe concerns, while avoiding any medical terms or diagnosis.

-Sam Piha, MSW

Temescal Associates

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MORE ABOUT…
Dr. Diane Ehrensaft is a developmental and clinical psychologist, Director of Mental Health at the Child and Adolescent Gender Center and Associate Professor of Pediatrics, University of California San Francisco. She has been a frequent contributor to our LIAS blog and the How Kids Learn conference. You can review her blog responses here and view a video presentation here.

Sheri Glucoft Wong is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and family therapist. She’s known nationally for her parenting workshops and consultations with school leaders. In addition to her clinical practice, she has led workshops and seminars for childcare centers, medical centers, and private industry for over 30 years. 


Worth Noting

By Sam Piha

Afterschool Professionals Appreciation Week is a joint effort of community partners, afterschool programs, youth and child development workers and individuals who have committed to declaring the last full week of April each year as a time to recognize and appreciate those who work with youth during out-of-school hours. Join us for celebrations and display your appreciation to thank afterschool professionals who make a difference in the lives of young people. 
- National Afterschool Association 

Photo Credit: National Afterschool Association

For more information and full toolkit, click here.

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Diane Ehrensaft

Better understanding the issues surrounding gender, LGBTQ youth, and particularly transgender youth, is important for youth program leaders. 

Diane Ehrensaft, Ph.D. has helped us better understand these issues by contributing to our LIAS blog and by presenting at the How Kids Learn V conference in San Francisco. Ms. Ehrensaft is a developmental and clinical psychologist in the San Francisco Bay Area and the Director of Mental Health and founding member of the Child and Adolescent Gender Center, a partnership between the University of California San Francisco and community agencies to provide comprehensive interdisciplinary services and advocacy to gender nonconforming/ transgender

children and youth and their families. Her most recent book, The Gender Creative Child acts as a guide for parents who are raising children in a time of progressive change in cultural, medical and legal ideas of gender and identity.

For those who would like to learn more from Ms. Ehrensaft, she will be appearing at an upcoming City Arts & Lectures forum on June 13, 2018. For more information, click here. 




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In our LIAS blogs and our How Kids Learn VII conference, we featured the issues surrounding childhood trauma and trauma-informed practice. We were very happy to learn that Oprah Winfrey is taking this on as an important issue for all communities to be aware of. View her 60 Minutes segment and CBS This Morning segment.

Photo Credit: CBS News

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Milbrey McLaughlin

Milbrey W. McLaughlin is a leading researcher and advocate for youth development programs and the community schools movement. She is the David Jacks Professor Emeritus of Education and Public Policy at Stanford University, and the founding director of the John W. Gardner Center for Youth and Their Communities. Dr. McLaughlin served as MC for our first How Kids Learn conference and is a frequent contributor to our LIAS blog. A future blog post will feature an interview with Milbrey regarding her work. 

Dr. McLaughlin authored a new book entitled You Can’t Be What You Can’t See. The result of a five-year research project, the book documents what happened to more than 700 Cabrini-Green youth two decades after they attended the Community Youth Creative Learning Experience (CYCLE), a comprehensive after-school program offering tutoring, enrichment, scholarships, summer camps, and more. Through data collection, and in-depth interviews with participants and staff, she finds that almost all had graduated high school and escaped poverty, and so had their children.

McLaughlin describes the design principles as well as the core features of the program that participants say were key to their success: mentoring, exposure to activities and resources beyond their neighborhood, and a culture of belonging in which staff committed to “never give up on a kid.” You Can’t Be What You Can’t See offers lessons for policy makers, educators, community activists, funders, and others interested in learning what makes a youth organization effective for low-income, marginalized children. To learn more, click here. 


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Jane Quinn

Jane Quinn is Vice President and Director of National Center for Community Schools at the Children’s Aid Society. She has been a leading voice advocating for youth development programs for several decades. Ms. Quinn was a presenter at the How Kids Learn II conference in San Francisco and a frequent contributor to the LIAS blog.

Over 25 years ago, Ms. Quinn led a team at the Carnegie Corporation of New York, which released a report entitled, A Matter of Time: Risk and Opportunity in the Nonschool Hours. This report pointed out how the hours outside of school provided a major opportunity to address some glaring needs of young people. It changed the national conversation about the needs of youth in the out-of-school hours and the value of afterschool programs. To learn more, click here.

The Gender Creative Child: A Radio Interview with Dr. Diane Ehrensaft

By Sam Piha

Sam Piha

It is important that educators and youth development specialists understand the latest thinking on the needs of transgender youth. To support this, we worked with Diane Ehrensaft to develop a briefing paper entitled Understanding Gender Identity in Young People: A Briefing Paper for Afterschool Programs. We also interviewed Dr. Ehrensaft, which we posted on our LIAS blog in two parts (see Part 1 and Part 2). 

Dr. Ehrensaft, co-founder of UCSF’s Child and Adolescent Gender Center, coined the term “gender creative child” to describe children whose gender identity is not reflected in the male or female box that was checked on their birth certificates. 

Mina Kim (Left) | Dr. Diane Ehrensaft (Right)

Dr. Ehrensaft talked with Mina Kim on KQED’s Forum program about the experience of gender nonconformity and discussed her new book, “The Gender Creative Child: Pathways for Nurturing and Supporting Children Who Live Outside Gender Boxes.” We thought our readers would benefit by hearing Dr. Ehrensaft in her own words. This radio broadcast can be heard by clicking below. 

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Diane Ehrensaft, Ph.D. is an associate professor of Pediatrics at the University of California San Francisco and a developmental and clinical psychologist in the San Francisco Bay Area, with a private practice in Oakland, California.  She is Director of Mental Health of the Child and Adolescent Gender Center and chief psychologist at the Child and Adolescent Gender Center Clinic at UCSF Benioff Children’s Hospital. She specializes in research, clinical work, and consultation related to gender-nonconforming children, lecturing, publishing, and serving as an expert witness on both topics nationally and internationally.

Dr. Ehrensaft is author of Gender Born, Gender Made; Mommies, Daddies, Donors, Surrogates; Building a Home Within (co-edited with Toni Heineman); Spoiling Childhood; Parenting Together; and the new release, The Gender Creative Child.  Dr. Ehrensaft serves on the Board of Directors of Gender Spectrum, a national organization addressing the needs of gender-expansive children and their families. 

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You can read other blogs by the LIAS project by going to: 

• Expanded Learning 360°/365 Project website 
• LIAS Blog written for the California AfterSchool Network

The Battle Over Bathroom Access

By Guest Blogger, Rozel Cruz of Temescal Associates

Rozel Cruz,
Temescal Associates

The topic of transgender youth continues to be one of discussion for educators and youth program professionals. To educate people on this topic, we issued a briefing paper entitled Understanding Gender Identity in Young People. It includes an interview with Dr. Diane Ehrensaft. Click here to download the paper. 

We also offer this video from PBS Newshour.

Gender Identity and Implications for Practice: An Interview with a Child Development Specialist, Part 2

By Sam Piha

Sam Piha

We have produced a briefing/background paper on gender identity. We invite you to download this paper by clicking here.

Below, we continue our interview with Dr. Diane Ehrensaft to shed more light on this topic, and ask her about the implications for youth program leaders. You can find part 1 of this interview by clicking here. 

Dr. Ehrensaft specializes in research, clinical work, and consultation related to gender-nonconforming children. She is an associate professor of Pediatrics at the University of California San Francisco and a developmental and clinical psychologist in the San Francisco Bay Area.  

Q: Can gender identity be chosen―or even changed?

Dr. Diane Ehrensaft

A: We do not choose our gender identities—we discover them. No one can take that away from us, they can just demand that we bury it underground. And yes, our gender identities can change over time. Gender is a lifelong process. But truth be told, gender identity is typically a pretty stable part of ourselves, once we clarify what it is, albeit not necessarily immutable.  

When it comes to our gender expressions, yes, they can be both chosen and changed, either over time or depending on the circumstances. For example, when I was growing up I was both a ballerina and an avid student of math. When a ballerina, I was the essence of femininity. But when in my accelerated math class, I expressed myself in a competitive, driven manner more associated with male gender expressions at the time I was growing up. 

The terrible affront we do to transgender people is the same one that has been laid on gay, lesbian, and queer people—the accusation that they choose to be the way they are and they could stop it if they wanted (often with the help of harmful, reparative therapies). The reality is: that is who they are, they didn’t “choose” it, and it is the task of all around them to acknowledge, honor, and support that person for who they let us know they are.  

Q: Does gender have to be one or the other? 

A: Not only does gender not have to be one or the other—it isn’t. The only problem is that many people get nervous when we take that idea of only two genders away from them. The concept of binary gender—male/female--has been bedrock for many people; and now we’re taking that bedrock away and replacing it with gender as moving boulders. But that binary concept has never really held true in reality. When we look at the animal world, when we look at cultures across the globe and throughout history, and when we look at the phenomenal sea change that is occurring right now in our own culture’s redefinitions of gender, particularly among youth, we discover that gender, rather than binary, is actually infinite in its potential variations.  

On our own land, Native Americans have taught us about third and fourth genders. And these variations should be considered a healthy part of human existence, rather than something that has to be fixed or exterminated (as did the white settlers with the Native American third and fourth gender people). 

Turning back to youth, we now have children and teens who identify as agender, pangender, gender queer, gender fluid. Indeed Facebook has provided over 58 categories of gender to choose from, in addition to “other.”  And more will come. We now think of gender as a spectrum, a rainbow, a web, no more boxes.  

Q: What would you advise for youth workers regarding their work with gender fluid youth? 

A: More important than anything else, listen to the youth. It is not for us to say, but for them to tell us who they are and how they want to “do” their gender. Know that by the time they come to you they may have suffered years of teasing, harassment, or rejection because of their gender fluidity. Gender fluidity doesn’t always play well in a world that is genderist or transphobic. Alternatively, know that by the time they come to you they may have discovered support, acceptance, and pride in themselves, and that is to be celebrated. 

But going back to the negative, know that the risk factors for gender fluid youth are many. If not supported, gender fluid youth are at risk for anxiety, depression, self-harm, even suicide. And know that they depend on you to watch their back, to mirror back to them a positive sense of who they are, to use the names and pronouns they ask you to use for them, to step in rather than step aside as a passive bystander if others are giving them grief about their gender.

Q: What would you advise for youth workers as they look to create a safe and unbiased (gender) environment for all youth? 

A: First, look inside yourselves and check yourselves for your own biases and discomfort with gender-nonconforming and transgender youth. How do you really feel about a boy wearing a dress? A boy-girl? A girl who binds her breasts? All of us have “gender ghosts”—negative feelings about people who live outside gender boxes, a normative way of being that was instilled in us in our own socialization in a world that was not accepting of such gender differences.  

Photo Credit: Brian Peterson
http://www.startribune.com/

If we are to work with youth and afford all youth an opportunity to maximize their gender health—which means having the opportunity to live in the gender that feels most authentic to them - free of aspersion and rejection and filled with gender acceptance and support, it is necessary to expel our gender ghosts and replace them with gender angels—positive feelings and actions toward youth of all genders.

Anyone who works with a gender-nonconforming youth holds two responsibilities: 

• To make sure you function as an accurate mirror for the youth: No one wants to feel invisible, so make sure you reflect back to the youth the gender self they are, not the one you want them or expect them to be.

• To ensure that no insults or impingements/microaggressions come the youth’s way: The youth are counting on you to run interference for them and either not allow or be responsible for the minor or major insults that might come their way. So just make sure you step up to the plate.

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Diane Ehrensaft, Ph.D. is an associate professor of Pediatrics at the University of California San Francisco and a developmental and clinical psychologist in the San Francisco Bay Area, with a private practice in Oakland, California.  She is Director of Mental Health of the Child and Adolescent Gender Center and chief psychologist at the Child and Adolescent Gender Center Clinic at UCSF Benioff Children’s Hospital. She specializes in research, clinical work, and consultation related to gender-nonconforming children, lecturing, publishing, and serving as an expert witness on both topics nationally and internationally.

Dr. Ehrensaft is author of Gender Born, Gender Made; Mommies, Daddies, Donors, Surrogates; Building a Home Within (co-edited with Toni Heineman); Spoiling Childhood; Parenting Together; and the new release, The Gender Creative Child.  Dr. Ehrensaft serves on the Board of Directors of Gender Spectrum, a national organization addressing the needs of gender-expansive children and their families. 

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You can read other blogs by the LIAS project by going to: 

• Expanded Learning 360°/365 Project website 
• LIAS Blog Written for the California Afterschool Network