How to Help Kids Understand and Manage Their Emotions

Source: Temescal Associates

By Sam Piha

According to Ariana Hoet, Ph.D, from Kids Mental Health Foundation, “The best way to teach kids to express emotions is by making the time to talk about them and normalizing all feelings.” Below Ariana suggests some activities that may be useful:

• “Check-in. Create a habit of conversation with your child. Find a time to talk every day, even if it’s just for a few minutes. This will let them know you care, you are listening, and you are there to support them. Conversations can help us understand how children are feeling and experiencing their environment. (See past Learning in Afterschool & Summer Blogs on Sharing Circles here.) 
• Praise. When a child uses emotion words or an appropriate way to express themselves, take the time to notice and compliment them. For example, saying things like “Thank you for sharing you’re feeling angry instead of slamming the door.”
• Validate. All emotions are normal and OK, even if you don’t think you would feel the same way. Say things like “I understand you’re nervous, we all feel that way sometimes” instead of dismissing how they feel (“there’s nothing here to be afraid about. It’s no big deal”). You can also share moments where you felt that emotion and how you coped with it.
• Encourage Pause. Many parents share that their child will go ‘from 0 to 100’ so quick. What is likely happening is that the child is ignoring the cues from their body that they are starting to get upset. As adults, we can encourage children to be more mindful of their thoughts and feelings and to take a pause to check-in with themselves. Kids can ask themselves things like, “How does my body feel right now? What thoughts are going through my mind?” This will help them identify their emotion and express it in a helpful way, instead of letting the emotion take control of them.
• Children learn by watching you. Express your emotions out loud so that they know it’s okay for them to do the same thing. Also, remember that children are learning to regulate, so they may still act out sometimes. When they express anger, sadness or another difficult emotion by misbehaving, responding with more negative emotion does not help. Respond with sympathy and try to coach them toward a better way to express themselves.” [i]

ACTIVITIES TO PRACTICE EXPRESSING EMOTIONS

Below are some activities suggested by Ariana Hoet. She writes,

• “Have your children draw, write, or tell a story about a character who feels a strong emotion. How do they express themselves?
• For younger children, puppets are a great way to create characters who can express different emotions and act them out in a playful way. Adults can help practice difficult events and how to identify the emotions and express them appropriately. 

We want to validate and normalize all emotions so that children feel comfortable talking about what they’re experiencing on the inside. Find those moments to check-in and always praise when you catch them using emotion words. Learn how you can teach children how to cope with those strong emotions.” [ii] 

INTRODUCE FEELINGS USING MY PAL, LUKE

Temescal Associates and The How Kids Learn Foundation developed a number of “talking therapy dog” videos to help kids build a feeling vocabulary and that focuses on the question of ‘How are you feeling?’ and explains how to use a feelings chart. These videos can help introduce the subject of feelings. To view the My Pal, Luke videos, click here.

 

MORE ABOUT...

Ariana Hoet Ph.D

Ariana Hoet, Ph.D, executive clinical director of The Kids Mental Health Foundation, is the driving force behind our mission of providing educational resources that make sure mental health is a vital part of every child’s upbringing. 

Dr. Hoet believes all children and families should have a fair opportunity to be as healthy as possible. That enthusiasm extends into her desire for making sure that people of all backgrounds are accepted and celebrated – a passion born from her own experience as an immigrant to the U.S. from Venezuela.

Dr. Hoet works in Pediatric Primary Care where she serves primarily immigrant children. She is also a clinical assistant professor of Pediatrics in the Department of Pediatric Psychology and Neuropsychology at Nationwide Children’s Hospital and The Ohio State University, with a role in training the next generation of behavioral health professionals who will tackle the emerging mental health crisis in children.

RESOURCES:

• Feeling Charts
• Morning Check-In Meetings
• Learning in Afterschool & Summer Blogs on ‘Inside Out’ 1 & 2 
• Big Feels and How to Talk About Them
• Keeping the Conversation Going 

END NOTES:
[i] Ariana Hoet, Helping Kids Express Emotions Appropriately
[ii] IBID