What We Get Wrong About Teaching Kids to Apologize and Forgive

Source: www.pexels.com

By Guest Blogger Suzanne Freedman. This article, What We Get Wrong About Teaching Kids to Apologize and Forgive, was originally published on Greater Good Science Center. You can view the full article here.

Too often, parents and teachers try to force kids to apologize and forgive. But research suggests there’s a better way that will make a deeper, more lasting impact. 

As an expert on the topic of interpersonal forgiveness, it is difficult for me to hear of situations when teachers and parents demand children to apologize and forgive immediately after an offense. Those are often viewed as quick behavioral fixes in situations of conflict or when one individual has been hurt by another. This process often includes instructions such as: “Say I’m sorry, accept the apology, and move on.” 

For parents and educators, this solution may feel easy and effective, as it appears to involve restoring social harmony quickly while also teaching children responsibility and compassion. But, although we may believe that we are encouraging moral behavior and helping students feel better, we are actually teaching them that forgiveness and apologies result by simply saying the words without understanding the meaning and process behind these moral actions, according to May Yuan and her colleagues in a 2021 article.  

In fact, forgiveness and apology require emotional readiness, perspective-taking, and empathy. According to Emma Kemp and her colleagues, who examined children’s emotional forgiveness in another 2021 study, these skills develop with time and gradually throughout childhood and adolescence. It goes beyond just saying the words, “I’m sorry” or “I forgive you.” 

Source: www.pexels.com

Specifically, forgiveness involves a willingness to abandon one’s right to resentment, negative judgment, and negative behavior toward one’s offender, while fostering the undeserved qualities of compassion, empathy, and goodwill toward the offender. Notice that in this definition, one has a right to resentment and that the offender does not deserve compassion and goodwill because of their hurtful actions—but we give it to them anyway. 

Although frequently confused with forgetting, acceptance, condoning, excusing, pardon, and denial of anger, forgiveness is none of these. When we forgive, we decrease our negative thoughts, feelings, and behaviors toward the offender. Over time, we may increase our positive thoughts, feelings, and sometimes behaviors toward the offender. We can also only forgive for the way that we were personally impacted by an offense. Depending on the situation, sometimes forgiveness involves simply wishing the offender well. 

Although students are expected to give and receive forgiveness, often on demand, few have been educated on what forgiveness truly means and looks like. In this article, I use quotes from college students who took my interpersonal forgiveness class to illustrate their thoughts about apologies and forgiveness. These highlight how important forgiveness education is for students of all ages. For example, a student in my interpersonal forgiveness class reflected on what she learned about forgiveness and apologies growing up:  

"When conflicts arose between my sisters and me, we would often say “sorry” simply because it was expected of us or because an adult told us it was the right thing to do, not necessarily because we fully understood the meaning behind the apology. At that age, forgiveness felt more like a routine than a heartfelt process. It was not until I grew older that I began to grasp the deeper emotional and relational aspects of forgiving someone: acknowledging the hurt, understanding their intention, and choosing to let go for the sake of healing and growth." - Professor Suzanne Freedman 

Many students report similar early lessons in “forgiveness on demand,” which often lead to misconceptions about forgiveness as compliance rather than a process or a choice. They also report that they wish they could have received forgiveness education earlier in their schooling. In a 2024 paper, Corinne Den Hartog discusses her research with teachers, illustrating that forgiveness education can be beneficial for students and that schools can play a critical role in teaching students what forgiveness means and how to forgive, and what effective apologies look like. 

Here are my research-based thoughts on how to better teach forgiveness and apologies. 

The problem with premature forgiveness and coerced apologies  

I began studying interpersonal forgiveness in 1987 as a graduate student at the University of Wisconsin–Madison under the guidance of Robert Enright. At that time, forgiveness was primarily a focus of philosophy and religion and had not been widely examined from a psychological perspective. Our main goal was to define forgiveness as a psychological construct and moral virtue, distinct from concepts such as reconciliation, forgetting, and condoning, and then to clarify what the process entailed. 

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We developed one of the first comprehensive models of forgiveness, known as the Enright Process Model. The model includes four phases, as described by Robert Enright and colleagues in a 1991 book chapter:  

• The uncovering phase, where individuals admit that they were hurt and recognize and explore painful emotions; 
• The decision phase, in which the decision to forgive is made after exploring what forgiveness is and is not; 
• The work phase, which involves expanding one’s view of the offender, recognizing the offender’s humanity and developing empathy and compassion for them; and 
• The deepening phase, in which individuals find meaning, emotional relief, and freedom from resentment. 



When parents and educators put pressure on children and adolescents to forgive immediately, both parties feel compelled to skip phases and use scripted words before they genuinely feel remorse or understand their behavior. Research shows that young children can distinguish genuine from coerced apologies, and that forced apologies often fail to reduce negative feelings or may even increase resentment. As Craig E. Smith and his colleagues argue in a 2018 paper: 

"Coercing your child to apologize is going to backfire. Other kids don’t view that apologizer as likable. The teachable element of having the child apologize has gone away and the goal of the apology prompt—to help your child express remorse, soothe someone else’s hurt feelings, and make your child more likable —is lost." - Craig E. Smit  

The other problem with forced situations is that the injured party is pressured to forgive immediately after receiving an apology. Research has illustrated that forgiveness does not usually occur immediately, as it is a gradual process that involves emotional awareness and regulation, moral choice, and cognitive understanding as discussed in the curriculum. Asking a child to forgive before they’ve had time to process their pain and express their feelings short-circuits important emotional work and teaches them to suppress their feelings instead of understanding, expressing, and then moving beyond them. 

Although parents and educators often want to jump to the last phase of forgiving, peace and reconciliation (if possible), a more effective approach encourages the injured to take as much time as necessary to work through their emotions before forgiving. As discussed in Suzanne Freedman and Eva Chen’s 2023 paper, true forgiveness requires time and self-reflection. It cannot be demanded by others or achieved instantly through words alone. Skipping steps fails to recognize the complexity involved in the process of forgiveness. It also teaches children that forgiveness and relationship repair are more about listening to adults than listening to their hearts. 

In our 2010 study on a sample of the general population’s understanding of forgiveness, we found that another common misconception about forgiveness is that one cannot forgive unless they receive an apology from the offender. That may be true for reconciliation, but not forgiveness. Forgiveness is something individuals can do all on their own, for their own well-being, without any response from the offender. Forgiveness can sometimes lead to reconciliation between the injured party and the offender, but it does not have to. One may require an apology for the friendship to continue, but if that is not desired or possible, forgiveness can still occur. If we require the offender to apologize before forgiving, we give the offender control and power over our forgiveness and healing. 

Uncomfortable emotions and validation 

This entire process can involve some powerful and uncomfortable emotions. As psychologist Lisa Damour reminds us, unpleasant emotions are not “bad”; they are normal, healthy, and necessary. She prefers the term uncomfortable emotions to “negative” ones because the latter implies that feelings like anger, sadness, or anxiety are wrong. She writes that “psychological health is not about being free from emotional discomfort, but about having the right feeling at the right time and being able to bear the unpleasant ones.” 

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As Marc Brackett, founding director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, explains in a 2025 conversation, our skill in dealing with emotions influences how much success and well-being we can achieve. Educators and parents can nurture this skill by teaching that all emotions are normal and natural, and it is what we do with our emotions that can be considered good or bad. When we teach children that uncomfortable emotions are normal and survivable, we empower students to express, rather than suppress them, a crucial part of forgiveness. 

Phase One of Enright’s forgiveness process model helps individuals process their feelings after experiencing hurt from or conflict with another. Having an adult validate their feelings helps children recognize that their emotions are acceptable and important. Without validation, students may learn to suppress and distrust their feelings. As described by Sarah Gonser in a 2022 article, emotional literacy is the ability to recognize, name, and express emotions in healthy ways and is an important part of social-emotional learning.  

As child therapist Violet Oaklander emphasizes in her 2007 book, Windows to Our Children, it’s important to help children recognize and express all emotions, including anger. “Anger is an honest, normal feeling,” she writes. “Everyone gets angry. I get angry. You get angry. It’s what we do with these feelings—whether we can accept them, how we express them—that causes all the trouble.”  

Unfortunately, children often receive mixed messages about anger. They experience adults’ anger but are discouraged, and sometimes even punished, from expressing it themselves. As a result, they learn to suppress, deflect, or deny anger, which, as Oaklander observes, can become a “hidden block to one’s sense of wholeness and well-being.” 

MORE ABOUT...

Suzanne Freedman

Suzanne Freedman is a Professor of Human Development in the Educational Foundations and Professional Experiences department at the University of Northern Iowa. She was the recipient of the APA Dissertation Award in 1993 for her groundbreaking research on forgiveness and incest survivors, published in 1996 in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology. Suzanne has been studying the topic of forgiveness for over 30 years and her publications focus on the psychology of interpersonal forgiveness and forgiveness education with children, adolescents, and adults. She has presented at numerous national and international conferences on the psychology of interpersonal forgiveness. Suzanne Freedman is a contributing writer and researcher for the International Forgiveness Institute. Suzanne Freedman is the author of the curriculum, The Courage to Forgive: Educating Elementary School Children About Forgiveness. 

The Unique Advantages Afterschool Programs Have Over Traditional Classroom Settings

Source: Camp Edmo

By Sam Piha 

Afterschool programs have unique advantages over traditional classroom settings. We share a list of these advantages below from Holding California Afterschool Programs Accountable by Sam Piha:

• Topics of Interest: Afterschool programs have the flexibility to pursue topic areas that young people find personally interesting and relevant. These topics include the sciences, visual and performing arts, civic engagement and community service, and physical activity—all of which can easily be aligned with school standards. In many communities, the ability of schools to offer these subjects is adversely affected by budget shortfalls and the need to shore up student performance in language arts and mathematics. Publicly-funded afterschool programs ensure that children who cannot afford fee-based enrichment programs have access to these important learning opportunities. 
• Learning in Small Groups: Afterschool programs have child-to-adult ratios that are lower than most classrooms. Small group settings enable adults to focus on the individual needs of young people, form personal supportive relationships, and engage young people in hands-on, experiential learning 
• Time to Learn: Some kinds of learning require more time than can be allowed in a classroom setting, especially in middle school, where youth move from class to class. This learning involves projects that require extra time to plan, to work within a larger team, to analyze problems and persevere until solutions are found. Some learning requires reflection on important lessons that were gained and the opportunity to share and be recognized for one’s accomplishments. This sharing may come in the form of a presentation, a play or a recital, an art exhibition or service project, which may allow children to be acknowledged in ways they never experienced during the school day. Afterschool programs have flexible schedules that can allow young people to immerse themselves in a single program activity for the entire afternoon, if needed. In other cases, young people can participate in projects that build over several weeks or more. These kinds of projects promote important skills such as goal setting, project planning, teamwork, time management, and self-assessment. 
• Beyond Place: Afterschool programs have the flexibility to go outside, beyond the walls of their facilities, using the surrounding neighborhood as a classroom. They are also able to bring the community into the school, by enlisting the talents and resources of individuals and surrounding businesses. Connecting to the local community broadens the variety of activities and experiences available to young people, honors the value of their own communities, provides young people with opportunities to contribute to others, and allows community members to see the learning and positive development of their children in action. 

Source: YMCA of Greater Long Beach 

• Active Learning: The learning environment in afterschool is often less formal than in school. Children are allowed to learn by doing and learn as part of a larger team. This approach is very attractive and motivating to young people who may be struggling in the traditional classroom setting.  
• Parental Access and Involvement: Because programs extend into the late afternoon and early evening, afterschool staff can often engage young people’s family members in ways most schools find difficult. Afterschool programs can serve as a communications bridge between the school and parents, thereby promoting a stronger partnership between them, especially when the afterschool staff live in the same community and share the language and culture of the parents and guardians. Afterschool workers are in a position to use parents as resources to better understand the experiences and needs of participants and to provide input on programming. 
• Diverse Teachers and Resources: Afterschool programs rely on a wide variety of workers, including certified teachers, paraprofessionals, youth workers, college students, and community members. This flexibility allows afterschool programs to engage a diverse pool of workers that reflects the cultural, racial, and ethnic backgrounds of the young people in the program. These workers often present ideas, activities and resources that make education and learning feel relevant and compelling to young people, and thus inspire greater interest and motivation even during the school day.”

The section above shares some of the advantages of afterschool programs, but the real question is whether your program makes use of these advantages. It may be useful to facilitate a discussion with staff to review these advantages and to what extent they are leveraged within your program.   

READING BUDDIES: Pairing older elementary students with younger ones

Source: www.communityreadingbuddies.org

Guest Blogger Ryan Wheeler, Edutopia. Originally published 8/8/18 © Edutopia.org; George Lucas Educational Foundation. All rights reserved.

Peer mentoring is a powerful, underused tool in schools. One study suggests that partnering with higher achieving peers can have a positive influence on a student’s learning, and students who are older, more capable readers can be these peers for young students. With this in mind, I have used a practice called Reading Buddies in elementary schools to great effect.

Reading Buddies is a concept that pairs different grade-level classrooms for community reading time—an upper-grade classroom connects with a lower-grade one, and students partner for time with books.

Establishing a Reading Buddies Program

The structure is simple: Pair upper-grade classes with lower-grade ones. Ideally, in a pre-K through fifth grade elementary school, third graders pair with prekindergartners or kindergartners, fourth graders with first graders, and fifth graders with second graders. It’s best to have students work in pairs, but groups of three are fine as well. Set aside at least one 30-minute session per month for the students to read together.

Gather the students in a classroom, the library, the cafeteria, or even outside on a sunny afternoon. Let the younger students pick the books at first so they get hooked with an interesting read. Later you can have the older students share some of their favorites. As the year progresses and the skills of the younger readers increase, you can have the students take turns reading to each other, giving everyone a chance to show off.

Source: Bolton County School District

The benefits are profound. Reading Buddies allows younger readers to see what being fluent looks like as they have a peer model demonstrating reading skills; they can also acquire a positive role model with some intentional pairing. The older students develop social and emotional skills like patience and empathy as they work with their littler buddies.

Additionally, for upper elementary students who are struggling with grade-level reading, the opportunity to access easier reading material without stigma or shame while sharing with a novice reader can create a positive experience with an activity that may otherwise be less than enjoyable. And the roots of the school community deepen as classes across campus work and share together.

Social and Emotional Benefits

You might be worried about the reading level or the behavior of the older students, for good reason. But this opportunity could be just what they need: When students are given the freedom to be better, to work for something bigger than themselves, and to mentor others, they can thrive. Those who are not reading on grade level will have a chance to practice with picture books that they wouldn’t otherwise pick up and to increase their confidence as they read to a mesmerized kindergartner.

I’ve seen this success for students with behavior difficulties. Let me tell you about a student I’ll call Marcus, a fifth grader with attention issues who read at a first-grade level and was often in trouble, but who had an amazing heart. His teacher, who was justifiably worried about his progress, partnered with a kindergarten class for Reading Buddies. Marcus was paired with Tony, a little guy with his own set of difficulties, such as defiance, use of profanity, and physical aggression.

They got on fine, but the relationship didn’t blossom until after a few sessions. While walking to meet the kinder class, Marcus saw Tony talking to his teacher outside the classroom and being less than respectful. When Tony belatedly made it to Reading Buddies, Marcus put his arm around him and began to mentor him. Marcus gave him the old “Don’t be like me, kid” speech. Tony looked at Marcus with an expression of embarrassment and respect for someone who had had similar difficulties through the years.

Over time, the teachers worked out an intervention where Marcus could go spend time with Tony outside of Reading Buddies both as a reward and as an intervention when Tony’s day started getting hard. As part of a token reward system, Tony could request that Marcus join him for lunch or recess. For the intervention, Marcus would sometimes come down to the kinder classroom to give Tony a pep talk. This was a positive relationship for both students as Tony had a role model and Marcus had someone to mentor, which helped him grow.

Source: Bolton County School District

This program of cooperative learning is a great way to build community in the school and to promote reading, which are goals for nearly every school. Both sets of students get excited about Reading Buddies time because it’s a chance to get out of class, have fun, and make a friend. I’ve seen kindergarten and first grade classes deliver letters of encouragement to their partners before the scary state assessments.

With thoughtfulness, the relationships can extend beyond just one school year and carry over beyond reading books. Powerful moments of connection can happen, and social and emotional lessons are inevitable. These are some wonderful outcomes, all from just sharing a book.

To learn more about Reading Buddies, check out our latest briefing paper entitled, Reading Buddies: Promoting Literacy and Community Engagement.

MORE ABOUT...

Ryan Wheeler

Ryan Wheeler is a Behavior Specialist in Houston, Texas. He is a progressive educator, positive thinker, playful and engaged dad. He is also a contributing author for Edutopia.

Edutopia is an operating foundation and educational website created by filmmaker George Lucas in 1991. It operates as an initiative of the George Lucas Educational Foundation to shine a spotlight on evidence-based teaching strategies and real-world innovations in pre-K–12 education. The Edutopia Foundation is dedicated to transforming pre-K-12 education so that all students can acquire and effectively apply the knowledge, attitudes, and skills necessary to thrive in their studies, careers, and adult lives. 

Summer Learning Meets The LIAS Principles

Source: Learning in Afterschool & Summer

From the LIAS Archives

By Guest Blogger, Katie Brackenridge, Glen Price Group

A child’s need for meaningful learning and enrichment experiences does not end in June when the school doors close for summer vacation. All children need to be engaged and active during the summer months in order to be on track when they return to school in the fall. Whether these needs are being met may boil down to a child’s neighborhood or family income level. Without summer learning opportunities, children—especially children in low-income communities— can fall dramatically behind academically. 

More than 100 years of research about this phenomenon – known as summer learning loss –paints a clear and compelling picture. A longitudinal study from Johns Hopkins University found that low-income children lose about 2 months in their reading levels each summer. By 5th grade, the cumulative learning loss puts them nearly three grade level equivalents behind their more affluent peers. [1] Unequal summer learning opportunities during elementary school years are responsible for about two-thirds of the ninth-grade achievement gap between lower- and higher-income youth. As a result, low-income youth are less likely to graduate from high school or enter college. [2]

Given this data, communities across the country are working hard to build high quality summer learning opportunities. They are quickly discovering that summer is the perfect time to put the Learning in Afterschool and Summer principles into action. Children don’t need or want more traditional school time during the summer. In fact, because summer programming is often voluntary, many children and youth won’t participate unless their experience is fun and engaging. In Making Summer Count, researchers from the RAND Corporation found – not surprisingly – that consistent attendance is a key indicator of a program’s ability to impact participant learning. [3] Summer learning programs have to inspire and motivate in order to succeed.

Besides the imperative around attendance, the time and flexibility in summer programming also lends itself well to the LIAS principles.

• Learning that is Active - Summer curriculum can involve long-term projects that allow students to experiment, explore and discover. Projects that might take too much time or are too complicated for the school year become possible during the summer.
• Learning that is Collaborative – Quality summer learning programs encourage participants to experiment, explore and discover together. Throughout a summer, participants can be placed in a whole variety of different groupings that allow them to learn from each other, practice communication and negotiation skills and feel ownership for their work.
• Learning that is Meaningful - While quality programs plan their schedule and curriculum before summer begins, well-trained staff know how and when to adjust lessons and schedules to respond to participants’ interests and to allow deeper inquiry and the expression of youth voice. This flexibility ensures that activities and projects are meaningful to participants.
• Learning that Promotes Mastery – More time means more opportunity to support participants in building skills, particularly around projects that they want to be doing. Quality programs provide opportunities for participants to showcase their skills and accomplishments.
• Learning that Expands Horizons – Summer is also a natural time for programs to expose participants to new people and places. Visiting artists, lecturers and teachers offer different perspectives, ideas and experiences. Field trips allow participants to visit places – even in their own communities – that they may never have seen and where they are able to return after the program ends. Many summer programs take young people on their first overnight camping trips, which is invariably an awe-inspiring, bonding experience for participants. 

END NOTES:
[1] National Summer Learning Association, 2009.                 
[2] Alexander, et al, 2007.
[3] Sloan, Jennifer McComb, Making Summer Count, RAND Corporation, 2010.
___________________________

MORE ABOUT...

Katie Brackenridge

Katie Brackenridge has worked in and with schools, school districts and community organizations for her entire career. As a consultant affiliated with the Glen Price Group, Katie focuses on creating equitable learning conditions for students by integrating whole-child practices, structures and systems into the education system, including schools, districts, county offices of education and statewide organizations. She is particularly

interested in building coherence across education initiatives by helping educators at all levels of the system understand their shared purpose and work through a whole-child lens.

Katie was previously a Partnership Director at Turnaround for Children (now the Center for Whole-Child Education at Arizona State University) where she designed and delivered strategic projects and presentations about the science of learning and development and whole-child design. For the 14 years before Turnaround, Katie was the Vice President of Programs at the Partnership for Children & Youth, a non-profit intermediary organization focused on improving practice and policy for expanded learning and community school initiatives in public education. Katie’s work is grounded in her 9-year experience as Co-Executive Director for the Jamestown Community Center, a grassroots youth organization in the Mission District of San Francisco.

Tapping Into Young People's Innate Curiosity

Source: www.pexels.com

By Sam Piha

“Childhood curiosity is an innate, powerful internal drive to acquire new information, understand how the world works, and fill knowledge gaps. It acts as a primary motivator for learning, characterized by eager exploration, constant questioning, and a ‘Goldilocks’ desire for optimally challenging information.” [i] 

Afterschool youth programs should tap into young people’s innate curiosity. This involves assessing where the program is in engaging young people’s curiosity. This blog explores these issues and provides information related to youth curiosity, including ways afterschool programs can support curiosity. (We relied on articles and AI research to develop this blog.)

WHY CURIOSITY IS IMPORTANT

“Curiosity is one of the main ways children learn about the world. When kids ask ‘why?’ or ‘how does this work?’, they’re not just being playful—they’re actively building understanding, problem-solving skills, and creativity.” [ii]

According to Penn State Extension, “Curiosity is an important trait that leads to learning. When children are comfortable and feel safe, they are naturally able to explore their worlds. The more your child explores, the more he learns. Curiosity drives kids to try new things.



Strong curiosity gives children confidence to try new things. Trying new things opens up new worlds to your child. It brings excitement to life. Children who are curious enjoy their lives. They are less likely to get bored and find life dull or routine. They feel that there are always new, interesting things just around the corner. It can lead them to have adventurous and interesting lives.” [iii]

WHY DOES CURIOSITY MATTER?
CuriOdyssey writes, “Curiosity is the desire to learn, to understand new things and to know how they work. ‘We can teach a new generation to observe patterns in our world and in science, technology, engineering and math by taking advantage of their natural tendency to be curious, thereby enhancing the likelihood of new discoveries and inventions,’ says CuriOdyssey Executive Director Rachel Meyer. ‘We need people who are curious and who feel free to tinker and explore without fear of failure. When curious people fail, they analyze their failure to understand it so they can do better the next time.’  

Curiosity is at the very root of the scientific process. After observation the first step is to ask, ‘Why?’ Supporting kids’ natural curiosity at an early age about what makes the world work is the best way to excite their interest in STEM. Whether kids aspire to become scientists or artists, science fluency, like being fluent in a language, will make them better at it. If we do not spark curiosity, future generations will not understand the benefits of being science-fluent. 

Curiosity is the mark of an active, open, observant mind and helps us see learning as fun, fueling imagination, creativity and innovation. It prepares the brain for learning and makes subsequent learning more rewarding. Research also shows that curiosity is just as important as intelligence in determining how well students do in school.” [iv] 

Source: Resilient Educator

CURIOSITY: SCHOOL AND AFTERSCHOOL
How Traditional Schooling Kills Curiosity  

“’Children enter school as question marks and leave as periods,’ so said educator and social critic Neil Postman.” [v] 

John Larmer writes, “You likely know that young children are intensely curious creatures who ask lots of questions, perhaps hundreds a day. But when a child starts school, the rate drops precipitously, nearing zero by the time they reach middle school. Some of this is due to brain development, and some to social factors; children in a large group in the school setting might feel inhibited from asking too many questions. A big part of the drop, though, is due to the nature of typical schooling today. 



Education researcher Susan Engel, in her paper Children’s Need to Know: Curiosity In Schools, reports on a remarkable observation she and her graduate students made when visiting K-5 school classrooms to study curiosity. They planned on examining individual differences between children, seeing whether specific places or activities in a classroom elicited more or less curiosity, and comparing classrooms to one another. However, they were shocked to find out that, “It turned out to be impossible to make the kinds of comparisons we wanted. Why? Because there was such an astonishingly low rate of curiosity in any of the classrooms we visited.” [vi] 

“If teachers are to promote curiosity, administrators and policy makers will need to emphasize its value. We need to imagine schools as places where curiosity not only survives but flourishes. If curiosity is understood as essential, no less so than solving a geometry problem or writing a good essay, we might see very different classrooms and very different graduates.”  [vii] - Susan Engel, Education Researcher  

John Larmer continues, “Similarly, after listing some ways teachers can nurture curiosity, Alfie Kohn notes, ‘Alas, these recommendations for teachers often run smack into structural constraints: an inflexible schedule that doesn’t leave time for exploration; a principal who insists on quiet, orderly classrooms; a central office that imposes a standardized curriculum; a school board that cares more about test scores than about meaningful learning... Much of the problem comes from construing learning as a list of facts to be memorized or discrete skills to be practiced. This premise tends to promote teacher-centered direct instruction, which is often scripted or otherwise tightly controlled.’

Warren Berger, author of A More Beautiful Question: The Power of Inquiry to Spark Breakthrough Ideas, agrees: ‘Our current system of education does not encourage, teach, or in some cases even tolerate questioning. Harvard’s Tony Wagner says: ‘Somehow, we’ve defined the goal of schooling as enabling you to have more ‘right answers’ than the person next to you. And we penalize incorrect answers. And we do this at a pace—especially now, in this highly-focused test prep universe—where we don’t have time for extraneous questions.’” [viii]

 

ENDNOTES
[i] Jill Anderson, How Curiosity Can Unlock Learning for Every Child
[ii] IBID.
[iii] Penn State Extension, Curiosity is the Wick in the Candle of Learning*
[iv] CuriOdyssey, CuriOdyssey and Curiosity, Engines of Discovery
[vi] IBID.

[v] John Larmer, Another Argument for PBL: It Promotes Curiosity

[vii] IBID.

[viii] IBID.

To learn more about tapping into young people's innate curiosity, check out our latest briefing paper on this topic here.

Learning From Mistakes: Helping Kids See the Good Side of Getting Things Wrong

Source: "Learning From Mistakes: Helping Kids See the Good 
Side of Getting Things Wrong"

By Sam Piha

Sam Piha

Most people, particularly older youth, are often ashamed or embarrassed if they make a mistake publicly. It’s no wonder that many are afraid to engage to avoid the shame and judgement that comes with mistakes.

Embracing our mistakes is an important part of a growth mindset. GoZen, an online social emotional learning resource, writes, “Carol Dweck rocked the world of education with her research into something she called a Growth Mindset: the belief that a person’s basic abilities can be improved by hard work and determination. A growth mindset is central to a love of learning, perseverance and resiliency. Adopting a growth mindset also allows adults and kids to reframe mistakes into learning opportunities, making them less frightening and less debilitating.” (see LIAS Blog on Growth Mindsets).

"I say to myself that I never lose, that I only learn. Because when you lose, you have to make a mistake to lose that game. So you learn from that mistake, and so you learn [overall]. So losing is the way of winning for yourself."- Tanitoluwa Adewumi, America’s 10- year- old Chess Master

And, we are more than our mistakes. Afterschool programs are particularly good at helping youth see themselves as more than their mistakes or school grades.

"I particularly struggled with math. But after-school activities redefined the school for me. It wasn’t just the place where I failed my first test. It was where I learned how to sew. And I wasn’t just a person with a bad grade. I was a dancer.”- Meril, 17- year- old student

Source: Greater Good in Education

How do afterschool workers view their own mistakes? How do young people in your program think about mistakes? How are program staff trained to address the times when youth may make a mistake? I asked these questions to several afterschool leaders and share their responses below.

Carol Tang, Senior Vice President for
Learning and Public Engagement at the
 American Museum of Natural History

Carol Tang -“If you take a step back and look at science, it's not about facts and figures or rote memorization. If you think about what scientists do- they are active, hands on, they make things and break things, they talk to their peers, learn from their mistakes and get better through time.”

Autrilla Gillis,
Director of Expanded Learning,
ISANA Academies

Autrilla Gillis -“I think that mistakes identify areas of opportunity for both young people and staff. Often times both staff and young people view mistakes as failures, while in reality mistakes are opportunities to try again with targeted supports or a focused action plan to improve the results.

From the district level, mistakes identify areas of future professional development for my staff and I. We veer away from vilifying staff members and instead investigate what led to the mistake, using our findings to determine whether an individual, school site, or district wide training should occur to ensure that the mistake is avoided in the future. 

Addressing mistakes is one of the most common conversations our staff encounters. Whether the mistakes involve academic feats, student responses to personality clashes, or poor decision making. As adults, we’ve taken the stance that young people must be empowered to work through their mistakes so that they acquire that skill, one that they’ll use for the rest of their lives. 

For our youngest scholars it begins with one-on-one conferences that utilize visuals and worksheets to help students identify the root causes of their decision making that led to the mistake, next we set goals to avoid making the same mistake when the situation is encountered again. As our scholars progress through grade levels we increase the reflective aspect of the process by incorporating journaling and peer support. It is rewarding to see scholars encounter mistakes and work their way through the same process using “self-talk” to get themselves through.” 

Rebecca Fabiano
President & Founder,
FAB Youth Philly

Rebecca Fabiano - “'Mistakes are Ok!; Take accountability for, and learn from your mistakes!'

That is the first line of our guiding principles, which we recite in a call and response fashion when we come together as a group. One person chanting the first part, the rest of us responding the second part. We actually changed it this fall to this current statement from 'Mistakes are Ok!; It’s Ok to ask a lot of questions' because we wanted to focus more on accountability and learning. 

The original statement was part of a job description for college interns; we wanted them to really see their time with us as a learning experience and that we didn’t expect them to know everything right away or to even ‘get’ everything the first time, which is why we encourage asking questions. Several interns noted that very sentence was why they wanted to work at Fab Youth Philly (FYP).

We also ask about mistakes during interviews as we see mistakes as teachable moments. As a learning organization, we are constantly making mistakes in part because we are also risk-takers, we are somewhat nontraditional in some of our work and so there are bound to be mistakes made. We also primarily work with teens for whom it is their first job being employed by us so we want them to develop a ‘muscle’ around mistake making, but also seeing mistakes as an opportunity.

The way staff addresses mistakes varies from staff, to staff, and sometimes has to do with confidence and experience. But all of us TRY to approach it as a teachable moment. The more experienced staff tend to see right away the opportunity for learning, and working with the teen to address the issue, as opposed to blaming or shaming. Sometimes as adults, we need coaching too, around suggestions for how to support teens when they make a mistake.”  

LEARN MORE

• Why Mistakes Are Keys to Growth 
• Forgive Your Mistakes & Learn- Barack Obama's Rebellious Youth
• Obama: Mistakes (VIDEO)
• The Mistake- Friendly Classroom
• The Mistake Imperative—Why We Must Get Over Our Fear of Student Error

"Mistakes are a natural part of learning, but students cannot develop into critical thinkers if they regularly freeze out of the fear of making a mistake.”- Colin Seale, Thinking Like a Lawyer 

Another Argument for PBL: It Promotes Curiosity

Source: www.pexels.com

This is a guest blog. “Another Argument for PBL: It Promotes Curiosity” by John Larmer was originally published on PBLWorks. 

Should curiosity be the “5th C” of 21st Century Success Skills? You’re probably familiar with the “4 C’s” – the 21st century success skills of critical thinking, communication, collaboration, and creativity – and know that Project Based Learning is one of the best ways to build them in students. I’d like to propose a fifth “C” for consideration: curiosity. It’s important for success in school, in the world of work, and life in general. It’s not exactly a skill, but like creativity it’s a personal quality that can be cultivated. 

However, traditional schooling has the unfortunate tendency to kill students’ curiosity. PBL is the antidote. 

Why is Curiosity Important? 
First, to beat the drum I usually do when promoting PBL, most students are not as engaged in learning as they should be. This would change if their curiosity was honored in the classroom. Instead of marching through a curriculum that emphasizes standardized tests, mastering skills and facts, and moving at a preset pace, imagine how more engaging school would be if students were given opportunities to ask their own questions and explore answers.

Second, curiosity brings benefits in school and beyond. As progressive education advocate Alfie Kohn puts it, “Curiosity is valuable in its own right—and not just for children. It’s a passport to a richer, more fulfilling life.” Studies have shown that curiosity improves the quality of life in terms of intelligence and learning, social relationships, happiness and meaning, and brain health. Curiosity is “the heart of lifelong learning” says youth development expert and creator of The Compass Advantage Marilyn Price-Mitchell, who placed curiosity on her list of eight “internal abilities” that help children “develop into capable, caring, and engaged adults.” 

Education research confirms the value of curiosity. A 2018 study found that “greater curiosity was associated with greater kindergarten reading and math academic achievement...Curiosity may be an important, yet under- recognized contributor to academic achievement... especially for children with low SES.” The researchers defined curiosity as “characterized by the joy of discovery, and the motivation to seek answers to what is unknown.” Another study found that curiosity influenced academic performance: “In fact, it had quite a large effect, about the same as conscientiousness. When put together, conscientiousness and curiosity had as big an effect on performance as intelligence.”

Curiosity is valuable in the modern workplace, too. A 2024 article in Forbes, “Curiosity: The Superpower For Success In The Workplace And At Home,” makes the case: 

“In the workplace, curiosity acts as the fuel for innovation and creativity. It encourages individuals to question the status quo, explore new possibilities and think outside the box. This relentless pursuit of knowledge and understanding can lead to the discovery of unique solutions to complex problems and the development of groundbreaking products and services. Organizations that cultivate a culture of curiosity often find themselves at the forefront of their industries, leading the charge toward the future.” 

Finally, cultivating a sense of curiosity in its citizens is good for a democratic society. This is the message of Scott Shineoka, author of Seek: How Curiosity Can Transform Your Life and Change the World and keynote speaker at this year’s PBL World event. He argues for greater understanding as a healing process in a polarized nation: “curiosity can help us build relationships, even across differences, even across divides.”  

(The message about arriving at mutual understanding is also, btw, delivered by PBLWorks staffer Ryan Sprott in his 2024 book, Teaching Contentious Topics in a Divided Nation.)

How Traditional Schooling Kills Curiosity 
“Children enter school as question marks and leave as periods.” So said educator and social critic Neil Postman, paraphrasing progressive educator Lillian Weber. Why is that? 

You likely know, especially if you’re a parent, that very young children are intensely curious creatures who ask lots of questions, perhaps hundreds a day. But when a child starts school, the rate drops precipitously, nearing zero by the time they reach middle school. Some of this is due to brain development, and some to social factors; children in a large group in the school setting might feel inhibited from asking too many questions. A big part of the drop, though, is due to the nature of typical schooling today.  

Education researcher Susan Engel, in her paper Children’s Need to Know: Curiosity In Schools, reports on a remarkable observation she and her graduate students made when visiting K-5 school classrooms to study curiosity. They planned on examining individual differences between children, seeing whether specific places or activities in a classroom elicited more or less curiosity, and comparing classrooms to one another. However, they were shocked to find out that, “It turned out to be impossible to make the kinds of comparisons we wanted. Why? Because there was such an astonishingly low rate of curiosity in any of the classrooms we visited.”  

Engel continues, “If teachers are to promote curiosity, administrators and policy makers will need to emphasize its value. We need to imagine schools as places where curiosity not only survives but flourishes. If curiosity is understood as essential, no less so than solving a geometry problem or writing a good essay, we might see very different classrooms and very different graduates.” 

Similarly, after listing some ways teachers can nurture curiosity, Alfie Kohn notes, “Alas, these recommendations for teachers often run smack into structural constraints: an inflexible schedule that doesn’t leave time for exploration; a principal who insists on quiet, orderly classrooms; a central office that imposes a standardized curriculum; a school board that cares more about test scores than about meaningful learning... Much of the problem comes from construing learning as a list of facts to be memorized or discrete skills to be practiced. This premise tends to promote teacher-centered direct instruction, which is often scripted or otherwise tightly controlled.” 

Warren Berger, author of A More Beautiful Question: The Power of Inquiry to Spark Breakthrough Ideas, agrees: “...our current system of education does not encourage, teach, or in some cases even tolerate questioning. Harvard’s Tony Wagner says: “Somehow, we’ve defined the goal of schooling as enabling you to have more ‘right answers’ than the person next to you. And we penalize incorrect answers. And we do this at a pace—especially now, in this highly-focused test prep universe—where we don’t have time for extraneous questions.

Source: www.pexels.com

The Antidote: 5 Ways PBL Promotes Curiosity 
If you’re familiar with Project Based Learning, you’ve no doubt seen how it provokes curiosity in students. Not only does it provoke it–curiosity is baked into the design of a project and fertilized by the culture of a PBL classroom. Let’s look at five features of Gold Standard PBL that elicit, support, and encourage curiosity. 

1. Driving Questions 
The central question or challenge that frames a good project is open-ended; that’s the key to engaging students’ curiosity. There is no single ”right answer” students are supposed to arrive at; they cannot simply google it, as they can for a “closed” question with a specific answer. Even the teacher doesn’t know the answer, or at least acknowledges there is more than one good answer, so they approach the driving question with curiosity too. 

Take a look at these open-ended driving questions from projects designed by PBLWorks (from its project library or the TEACH app). If you were a student, wouldn’t these make you curious? 

In grades K-2: 

• In case of a fire, what is the best way to safety?

• How can we help new friends get to know our community?

• How does our food connect us to places near and far? 

In grades 3-5: 

• How can humans safely explore Mars?

• How can we protect endangered species in our area? 
• Did the American Revolution have more than two sides? 

In middle school: 

• What should we do about cyberbullying?

• What masks do we wear when we go about our daily lives? 
• How can we increase access to fresh food in our community?

In high school: 

• How can we influence the way A.I. is used in our school?

• How can we help a local business make the most money? 
• What does it mean to live well, and how do we do it? 

2. Entry Events 
The first thing that happens in a well-designed, well- implemented project is an event that engages students’ curiosity and sparks questions. The entry event can be anything that alerts students to the project’s topic and grabs their interest–from a live speaker to a field trip to a film clip to a class activity. Along with the driving question, the entry event could connect the project to students’ lived experiences or culture, and/or it might introduce them to a real-world issue or problem to address. 

3. Students’ Need to Know Questions 
After the entry event and the introduction of the driving question, students generate a list of their own questions to investigate. These questions form the backbone of the inquiry process that is at the heart of PBL. Facilitated by the teacher, students are prompted to ask both process questions about completing the project and more open- ended questions based on curiosity about the topic or problem at hand. Sometimes this is framed as a “Wonder” list. As they dig deeper into the project, students’ add more questions to their list. 

4. Student Choice 
Because students are given various opportunities to make their own choices in PBL, they need to activate their curiosity: What resources might I use to answer my need to know questions? How can our team work well together? What do I think is the best answer to the driving question? What product or performance could I create? What is my audience or intended stakeholder like? 

5. Classroom Culture 
One of the Project Based Teaching Practices in PBLWorks’s model for Gold Standard PBL promotes curiosity: Build the Culture, and so does a related Practice, Engage and Coach. A classroom culture that supports PBL, and curiosity, includes a sense of safety; it’s OK to share your ideas and you won’t be put down for it. Your questions matter and will be honored. Think out of the box. The teacher coaches students to surface their questions and be curious about the project’s topic. The teacher also models how to approach the project with curiosity by doing think-alouds–about the driving question, what resources to use, new need to know questions, how to create a product, or the needs of an audience. 

There’s a reason why curiosity appears on many "Portraits of a Graduate” being created by school districts today: school communities and stakeholders recognize its importance. It’s often linked to lifelong learning, innovative thinking, resilience, growth mindset, and being self-directed learner. PBL can help these districts move “from poster to practice” and make sure their lofty goals for graduates are reflected in their instructional practices.  

And, it’s worth repeating in these times... Curiosity can help a divided nation move from conflict to understanding. Let’s keep our children curious in their school years, so they’ll continue to flex that muscle as adult citizens! 

MORE ABOUT… 

John Larmer

John Larmer is a key builder of PBLWorks (Buck Institute for Education), having served as editor in chief, director of publications, and director of product development. He co-developed the model for Gold Standard PBL, which is the foundation of PBLWorks’s products and services. He is currently involved the development of project-based curriculum units and professional learning resources, and general editing and writing duties.

John is the author of several books and articles for K-12 teachers, school leaders, and parents, as well as many PBLWorks blog posts. He wrote widely-used rubrics for 21st century success skills, and problem-based curriculum units for high school government and economics. He contributed to PBLWorks’ research, online project library, and in-person and online professional development programs, including the flagship PBL 101 workshop and workbook. 

PBL Works’ exclusive focus is Project Based Learning. Why? Because PBL advances educational equity and empowers youth furthest from opportunity. They believe PBL is transformative for all kids. Through PBL, students engage in learning that is deep, long-lasting, and relevant to the challenges of their lives and the world they will inherit. Research confirms this.

Their services, tools, and research are designed to build the capacity of K-12 teachers to design and facilitate quality Project Based Learning, and the capacity of school leaders to create a culture for teachers to implement great projects with all students.

Why Computer Science Education for Girls?

Source: The Dottie Rose Foundation

“Technology is increasingly shaping our future and becoming more important in our daily lives. Once upon a time technology used to be something we chose to learn or play with – now it’s role is central in almost everything we do. It encourages more girls to improve their technology skills to boost their own future. Increasing technology knowledge makes girls more competitive.” – The Dottie Rose Foundation

We believe that afterschool programs are perfectly situated to advance the technology knowledge of girls. Below we share a blog post from the Dottie Rose Foundation entitled, Why Computer Science Education for Girls? 

At the Dottie Rose Foundation, we often get the question –  why computer science for our girls? 

The Bureau of Labor Statistics projects computer science  jobs will grow 19% by 2026. Yet, women only earn 18% of computer science bachelor’s degrees in the United States. Despite the high job demand, computer science remains a male-dominated field in the United States. According to Code.org – In North Carolina, there are currently 12,051 open computing jobs with an average salary of $109,439.

Computer science is more than just a set of digital skills; it is founded on problem solving with critical and creative thinking. It also teaches us how to think, learn and grow and adapt in a constantly evolving digital landscape. We are addressing the gender gap prevalent in the technology industry by ensuring that diverse perspectives are brought to the table. By providing our girls with access to quality computer science education, we empower them with the skills and knowledge needed to navigate and contribute to the rapidly evolving technology field. 

Computer science education for our girls is an investment in the future and cultivates a tech-savvy generation that will drive innovation and economic mobility in our community. Girls who receive computer science education are better positioned to pursue careers in fields such as software development, data science, and information technology. 

As educators, parents, and community members, we must collectively support, encourage and educate girls in the technology field. Embracing and empowering girls in the technology field not only addresses gender disparities but also enriches the entire community by harnessing the diverse talents and perspectives that contribute to innovation and economic growth in our communities.

 

MORE ABOUT...

The Dottie Rose Foundation is a non-profit organization. Their mission is to set the standard in computer science education while bridging the gender gap in the technology field. They envision a future where computer science education is accessible, inclusive, and equitable for all, regardless of gender, and a technology industry that values and benefits from the diverse perspectives and contributions of women.